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It is an honor that you have decided to come to my blog and read the thoughts and reflections that accompany my journey with Christ. Psalms 45:1 declares ...I speak of the things which I have made touching the king: my tongue [is] the pen of a ready writer. I pray that as you read and reflect on the words written here, the Holy Spirit will minister to you as I journal experiences from my life and ministry. MAY ALL GOD'S BLESSINGS BE YOURS, FOREVER. - ASW

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Thursday, April 8, 2010

Reflections from a Mother’s Heart





I can hear the whispers now.  I did not know Apostle Stacey had children.  When did that happen?  Is she married? 
Today, my concern is for the Fatherless and Motherless generation.  My heart breaks that there are so many that have not experienced what it’s like to truly be parented in the Spirit.  I can think back fondly to all those who had a hand in raising me spiritually, and I’m grateful.  Without the impartation of Reverend Joseph Riley, Bishop James Eric Daniel, and Lady Jeanette Daniel I am not sure of where I would be in ministry but I most certainly would not be here! These individuals allowed an eager, and zealous young girl travel with them, serve them, and even minister to them when most would have simply disregarded the anointing that I had not even began to understand.  They had a time raising me because I was very gifted and ready to do whatever God said to me.  Sometimes they had to slow me down, give me wisdom, and even gently rebuke me but they did their jobs!  Just as I grew up quickly in the natural (having to preach the gospel at 14), I also matured in the Spirit in leaps and bounds.  In fact, some still wonder today how I became an Apostle in 14 years of ministry.  The truth of the matter is, I was BORN one, and I just had to grow to discover my true calling and purpose.  That’s another blog. 

Today, my heart is reflecting on the souls that don’t have the fond memories I have of sitting down with my Pastors and being trained one on one.  My heart aches and grieves for them because I wonder, WHAT IN THE WORLD ARE THEY GOING TO DO WITHOUT PARENTS? How will they know how to survive in the vicious world of ministry (and yes it is rough out here) without someone to as least say, WATCH YOUR BACK. 

I’m going to say something a bit controversial, but as I take a deep breath, here goes:
NOT EVERY PASTOR IS A SPIRITUAL PARENT.  Many have parental hearts, but there are many that don’t.  God will use them to watch for your soul, but will also call another to “birth you.”  I made the mistake a few years ago and thought that just because I saw fatherly qualities in a leader, they were able to birth me.  I was harshly corrected by God for this and realized that while I was still looking for someone to nurture and spiritually care for me, it was also time for me to “grow up and get out of the house.”  That’s also when I ultimately embraced that far beyond what natural man could impart into me, JESUS wanted exclusive rights to be both my mother and father.  During my traumatic experience of being torn from my parents (Katrina) I had to KNOW God as Father.  I was just beginning to preach the gospel around the country, with an anointing that neither mom or dad understood, and for the first time in 12 years of ministry, I felt alone!  It was in that 12th year that God called me to Apostolic dimensions and I became aware of the fact that although my Prophetic journey was the most intense out of all the offices I operate in, I was being led to operate as an endtime, forerunning, foundation laying, mothering, Prophetic Apostle.  If you think that’s a mouthful, just imagine how it is to WALK it this mandate.  All of a sudden, it all made sense and it was as if the pieces to the jig saw puzzle that my life was becoming were now FINALLY coming together to form a picture.

Naturally, I’m the only child so I’m comfortable just hanging around the house to receive the attention and nurturing my mom and dad poured on me. They are DYMANIC parents that were as close to perfect as anyone could ever hope or dream.  I’m not exaggerating; I literally look at them in amazement because even though I know that GOD did it through them, I STILL don’t know how.  I’ve often wondered how different my life would be if I were not an only child (Rest in peace Patrice Ledet).  However, if I had natural siblings, I would have to move out of the way for my younger brothers and sisters to have a chance to receive my parents nurturing.  Spiritually I experienced this.  I was no longer the youngest one in need of attention, so I had to move on with the maturity and lessons my parents had already showered on me.  I’m not sure if I was ready to be on my own, but I was pushed out!  I had to be on my own, like it or not.  I felt abandoned, rejected, and forsaken by them and I did NOT take it lightely.  I felt unwanted and unsure of my every step.  However, in spite of being called a “bastard” by the religious who had no clue of what God was doing in my life, I knew that I was a faithful daughter that had to finally mature and grow up in God.  Some of them STILL don’t get why I “left the house” but they will understand it better by and by.  I go back for visits, and I’m grateful for those times.  However, its obvious that I don’t live there anymore.    I’m a big girl now.

Much of my healing came when I realized that parents are NOT perfect!  They will not always know what to do with you, and you won’t always come out looking or acting like them. Still, it does not negate the fact that they are your parents.  I do believe that being a “first born” meant that many mistakes were made with me.  Spiritually speaking I was the first “prophetic child” to emerge from the house in which I was birthed, or at least the first that was outright and forthcoming with my calling.  I know I caused many of the gray hairs and wrinkles my spiritual AND natural parents adorn.  Sorry guys. 

Even while writing this blog, it already has taken me some time to muddle through what I’m really trying to say, but I think I’ve arrived at what my point is.  I’m a mom now.  God is filling my spiritual womb full of children that need to be birthed.  I now have a greater understanding of why my own spiritual parents made mistakes, but I’m not afraid to push.  There is a new generation of Spiritual parents, and I’m humbled to say that I am one of them that will give birth to nations.  May the blood of Jesus cover my womb as many struggle to emerge into their destinies. 

Receiving the call to mother:
My own church hurt experiences allowed me to see first hand what a blessing it was to truly have the benefit of Godly leadership.  Thankfully, much of my church hurt came when I had already been reared, so I was mature enough to know that not everything about the church was glorious!  In prayer, I would find myself feeling the burden of all those who I was able to relate to in my own moment of parental abandonment saying God, what are we to do?  God said to me, So many have dropped my people, you go and pick them up.  It was almost as if I was impregnated IMMEDIATELY and began to carry the burden to birth.  As compassion began to fill my heart, I knew what time it was.  Shortly afterwards, I met my first daughter. 

I’m a young mother.  I make mistakes.  Sometimes I don’t have a clue in what to do, but I am plugged into the Father and oh what a perfect Father He is.  As I go through this parental journey, I now draw on everything my own spiritual parents imparted into me and it is truly treasured and valued information.  I know what not to do, and I also have been blessed to know what to do in many situations.  This is QUITE a ride but I’m enjoying the process.

To all my sons and daughters (those that I have met, and those that are on the way), Mom loves you!  I can’t promise perfection, but I will do all that is within me to make sure that you are birthed into your promised places in God.

-Pray for me-

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